I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
