It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
