If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
