She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
