so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
