shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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