That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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