there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
