Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he told me I talked like a deaf person
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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