You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
