Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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