I could have mohawked her pubes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
