I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
