Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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