Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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