we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
