well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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