I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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