The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
