I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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