dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
