I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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