You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
