theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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