Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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