I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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