Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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