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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize