At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
