I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
