just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize