apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
