I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
