i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
