May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
