I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
nutella sex= disaster
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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