I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
