put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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