So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
