So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
