who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
