wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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