I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
