why didn't you poke me back
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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