Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
