He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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