Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
