I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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