"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
