I think my fart just growled at me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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