take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
