You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
