I wannas sexs uuuuu
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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