why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
