i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
