The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
