hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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