I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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