If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
