Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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