i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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