Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize