I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mom said you looked used
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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