Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just tell him i said nine months
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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