Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
two words: eviction party
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
