she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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