You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
