You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
