One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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