remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize