Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
