it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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