Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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