You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
