Are we in a gay sports bar?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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