he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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