i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
