i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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