My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
