I feel great
I just peed on a car
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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