Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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