True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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