I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
