She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
