I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
