By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
