Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
