I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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