It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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