did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to cum in my sink.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
