I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
