The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
