I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
