my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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