I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
