We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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