She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
