Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
