Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize