she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
