there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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