Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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