K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
