from now on my penis is your penis
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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