My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
